There's No Going Back
by Victoriaaaaa
Summary: Life's hard, so is marriage, Sam and Andy have been struggling for a while, Andy leaves, but something brings her back. Can she and Sam work it out? COMPLETELY AU
1. Choices

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue

Please keep in mind this is AU, and has never happened in Rookie Blue and probably never will.

This is my second story; my first was Excuses, give 'er a read if you'd like!

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"Sam," she said looking at him, heavy-hearted, and eyes filled with tears. "I can't do this anymore." He just looked at her, how did they get so far off track? They had been together for 6 years, married for 3, and now it looked like they would end, right here.

"Andy, what do you mean?" He stood there, confused, and scared she was going to leave. "I mean Sam, I can't do this, I can't be in this marriage, anymore." She told him as a her tears began to fall. "I can't be in a relationship with someone who's so distance from me, I mean you're here physically but emotionally we too far apart to fix this." Her arms crossed as her hands gripped her biceps. "I don't know how we got here, but there's no going back, back to where we were." She waited for him to respond, she partly hoped he fight like hell for her to change her mind, try to convince her that they could work through this, say anything to keep her** here**; with _him_.

He stood there he's mind racing, Andy McNally was one of the most stubborn people he had ever met, if she had made up her mind; that was it. No matter what he said, she wasn't going to change her mind.

"If there's no going back then I'm leaving." He told her, as he turned toward the hallway, and began to walk away. "So, that's it Sam, just like that you're leaving." She followed him to their bedroom, voice shaky. She truly thought that he would fight for this, talk about how he needs her in his life because without her he's nothing, or talk about all they've been through from Jamie Brennan to him taking a bullet for Collins and almost dying. Why did he want to fight for this she then thought.

"Andy, I'm sure as hell not going to stay if you think we can't fix this." They were no facing off in their bedroom, "Sam, I want you to do something; _anything_. God damn it!" She was done, how could he walk away so easily. "What to you want me to do Andy?! Tell me and I'll do it." He was at a loss and truly didn't know what to do. "You want me to fight for you," he asked stepping closer toward her, "you want me to show you that I'm madly in-love with you," inching toward her.

She just nodded, "prove to you that you're it for me." Their lips millimeters apart, "that there is no one that I could ever be with besides you, that without you; without us, I'm nothing." He paused, half expecting her to walk away from his orbit; she didn't.

They lingered for a fleeting moment, "Sam," she whispered in a raspy breath.

In that moment he closed the gap between them, their lips fused together, her arms wrapped around his neck, his hands firmly grabbing her waist. No one was going anywhere at that moment. Sam wasn't leaving, and Andy sure as hell wasn't going anywhere, right now they were one.

* * *

Andy awoke with her naked limbs intertwined with Sam's. 'What did I do?' She looked around the room; Sam's duffle bag thrown aside half filled with a few days worth of clothes, her clothes from yesterday sprawled all across the room, his the same.

'Damn it Andy why did you sleep with him?' she thought, knowing it's only going to kill her that much more when she had to leave. Pulling away from him, she threw her legs over the bed, 'If I leave now there's no going back, he'll never forgive me and I'll be without him. But if I stay how will I know things will change? All I know is I can't leave like **this** anymore,' her mind still thinking. She puts her face in her hands, her heart breaking.

She took one last look at Sam's sleeping body, he looked so peaceful and at ease, the lines on his face; gone. He even had a half smile going on.

Pulling herself she tiptoed out of the room, heading to the laundry room; to grab whatever clothes of hers that were there to pack in her suitcase she kept in her linen closet.

Ten minutes later, she's all packed; ready to leave.

She thought about leaving him a note, but what if he woke up. She decided not to, opening the front door of their home with suitcase in one hand car keys in another.

Hopping into her car, she started it and just drove, she didn't know where all she knew was she couldn't be in Toronto anymore.

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What do you guys think? Yes or No? I don't know where I was going with this, but let's be honest McSwarek is going to end up together because;

**THEY ARE ENDGAME!**

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	2. 3 Months

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue

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He rolled over, half expecting to feel her limbs touching her, he felt nothing.

Opening his eyes he looks around the room, her clothes from the day earlier were still on the floor, thinking back to the previous night a smile crept up on his face.

_FLASHBACK_

Their lips fused together, he pulls away and looks at her, her freshly kissed lips, rosy checks, he attacks her neck with his lips.

Her hands reach down and grab the hem of his shirt, he pulls away again giving her enough time to take his shirt off before resuming his work on her neck.

She gasps for air as her continues to kiss her neck, as he did working on the buttons of her tops as well. Making his way to her collarbone, her shirt was unbuttons he guides her out of if, exposing her cream with black lace bra.

_END OF FLASHBACK_

He continues to look around the room, he sees her bra, his shirt, her jeans, his.

_'Where the hell is she?'_ he thought, she most definitely was not a morning a person, she also wasn't the quietest either. He got up out of the bed and searched for his academy track pants from his dresser. Throwing them on, he walks to the kitchen; no sign of McNally.

He decided to grab his phone see if she had called him or something; she did, and left a voicemail.

"Hey Sam, it's me," her voice sounded shaky, like she had been crying as she dialed has number.

"Last night was uh, mistake. I'm sorry, I should never have let you kiss me, last night didn't change anything Sam. We can't use sex as a way of hiding from our problems. I'm going to go away for a while, I need to work on myself before I can work on us..." There was a long pause, Sam her the sound of her crying, all he wanted to do was be there and tell her everything was going to be okay. " I love you Sam Swarek, more then you'll every now, I just was that was enough right now."

And that was it, that was the last time her heard her voice.

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It was exactly 4 days after she left, when he stopped drinking alone on their; well he guessed his couch, got up and pulled himself together.

7 days to return back to 15 Division.

9 days to delete the message she left him.

11 days for her scent to leave their home.

1 month to pack her stuff up.

375 times he said "I'm fine." lying to himself and to the people that cared about him the most.

2 months for him to stop blaming himself for her leaving.

* * *

"Brother, how have you been?" a concerned Oliver asked as they walked into parade, "I'm fine," Make that 376 times, "How's Celery?" he asked trying to change the subject, "She's amazing, she's got a pretty amazing husband you know." Sam laughed, "And the girls?"

"Growing up too fast, not wanting to around their dear old dad too much these days." Sighing as he walked up to the podium to give his morning speech, Sam still couldn't believe how well he fit into the Staff Sargent position after Frank left.

Walking out of parade, he looked down at his left hand, ring finger at the wedding band the he still wore. He didn't really know why he still wore it, she had been gone now for months, he often wondered if she still wore her's. He also wondered where she was, was she happy? With someone else?

Today marked the 3 month milestone of her leaving, twirling the ring around his finger he thought back to his interaction with people after she left.

FLASHBACK

4 beers deep, and no looking back a heartbroken Sam Swarek stumbled to his front door to answer it, grabbing the handle he opened it "Andy?" he asked looking out and seeing his best friend standing there instead.

"Sammy, brother what is going on with you? Both you and McNally don't show up for shift, no phone call? You had us worried sick. And from what I can tell you are drunk off you ass at, 4pm on a Tuesday" He said looking down at his watch. The parental part of Oliver was kicking in.

"She's gone man, I lost her," he said, using his best friend to stabilize himself. "Sammy," Oliver said quietly, he had never seen Sam like this; broken to what seemed beyond repair. Sure McNally had left before but they always knew she would come back eventually, but this time things just seemed different. Sure they fought like ever married couple but it never got to the point where one of them would leave, they would always make up before they went to bed. Oliver worried that maybe McNally would never come back this time.

END OF FLASHBACK

He smelt her perfume, he jerked his head up and looked around, she was no were in sight.

Maybe his mind was just playing tricks on him, he shrugged his shoulders and head toward his office. '_3 months'_ he thought, '_3 months since I've seen her face, heard her laugh, smelt the hand lotion that she puts on every night before bed. 3 months since I've told her I loved her.'_

Walking up the steps he noticed a brunette, waiting there for him. She was wearing a dark wash denim jean jacket, for what he could tell from the doorway, her hair was neatly placed half over her shoulder the other half, on her back.

As he opened the door he knew, he smelt her perfume again, walking around the chair he looked up at her.

"Hi." she said.

"Andy." he managed to force out.

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What do we think? Yay or Nay?

Reviews? Comments? Suggestions?


	3. Silence and Heartbreak

_**WARNING: CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC DEALING WITH PREGNANCY WILL BE TOUCHED ON AND FURTHER DISCUSSED IN LATER CHAPTERS, DO RESPECT IS INTENDED IN ANYWAY THIS IS A WARNING!**_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue**

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There was just silence between the two of them.

They just looked at each other, soaking up all the appearance the mind would allow, it had been 3 months since they had last laid eyes on each other.

She looked at his body, it looked amazing, he wore a cotton red tee, and a pair of nicely fitting dark wash jeans. He used his desk to support his amazing body. His face seemed tense, and it looked like it was lacking a good night of sleep.

He looked at her, her eyes were darker than her remembered, _'has she not been sleeping?_' he thought, he noticed that her hair had gone a few shades darker, her skin had lost it's summer-tan glow, and had flawlessly faded into an olivey tone.

Their eyes wondered each other, both of their minds racing in thought.

Andy was the first one to break the silence, "Sam, I've missed you so much.." she started and trailed off, slowly moving her eyes to met his again. Sam was half sitting, half leaning on his desk facing her seated body, "Andy, I- uh, I've missed you too, but where the hell have you been?" He asked, terrified of what her answer would be, he crossed him arms.

"I needed to get away for a while..." Breaking eye contact and looking down at her hands. "Why? What was so terrible here you had to get away from?"

Andy had her reasons for leaving, but leaving Sam was her biggest regret, sure she had time to heal, and work on herself but she knew she had left Sam; and broken his heart. "I just had too.." trailing off, using her thumb to twirl her wedding ringer around her finger.

"Andy, why? I need to know _why_.. Why you would just leave, and not even contact me to let me know you're okay.. How do you expect our marriage to work if one, you're not here and two, you're not willing to talk to me about whatever you're going through." Pinching his nose, he needed answers.

"I just needed to fix myself, so I could fix us..." She couldn't give him what he needed, "Okay and while you were away _fixing_ yourself, I was here; broken."

"After you left I was a mess, I blamed myself for everything, I over analysed every fight we had seeing if one of those fights lead to you leaving. I had to cover for you just leaving because you didn't just leave me Andy you left **everybody**, your dad, Tracy, all the other Rookies... You just left us all with no explanation or reasoning you were go gone, like magic, really mean magic." She could tell Sam was hurt, and so was she.

"And I'm sorry for that but I just couldn't be here, anymore" Sam was beginning to get frustrated that she wasn't giving him any answers about **why** she left.

"You couldn't be here anymore with me? Is that what you're saying?" His heartbreaking as he said those words.

"In a way yes, being here with you; hurt." Her eyes began to pool with tears, "I love you so much Sam, and it kills me to know that I hurt you.. but I couldn't be here anymore." She reached out and grabbed his hands. "I loved you enough to walk away before I did something that would ruin us."

"Andy, you left; you did ruin _us_." He told he, pulling his hands away from hers. "You just left me, and I was nothing, I didn't know what to do... I debated on going after finding you and begging you to come home. I thought of just ending us, filing for divorce. And I had another option, I had the option of letting you go, and I did. It broke my heart everyday and it still does, but you needed to leave and I let you because I love you that much." Sam was never one to get overly emotional but this was Andy McNally she was it for him, there was no one else.

"Are you saying it's over?" Her voice shaky, tears escaping from her eyes.

Silence took a hold of the room.

"I'm saying you left me" He looked at her; his wife; his forever. He hadn't laid eyes on her in months and all he wanted to do was pick her up and take her home, but he couldn't do that because what if she left again; his heart couldn't bare to wake up in an empty bed again.

"She would of been 6 months old" Andy responded. "Who?" Sam asked confused, and worried at the same time.

"Our daughter."

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To address the controversial topic, I do not mean any disrespect or spiteful intentions when writing about this difficult issue, if I offended you in anyway I am truly sorry!

**Reviews? Comments?**


	4. Until Now

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rookie Blue

Did anyone see the TWO promo :') not going to lie I cried after the first one.

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"She would of been 6 months old" Andy responded. "Who?" Sam asked confused, and worried at the same time.

"Our daughter."

Daughter, _our_ daughter those rang in Sam's eyes for what felt like hours, he looked at his wife, she had never been pregnant, even if she had, how could he not know?

"Andy, uhh, we were never pregnant.." he said softly, knowing he could be wrong.

"Yes, Sam, we were, and I uhh, I lost the baby." Her eyes closed, tears began to slowly make their way down her face.

* * *

Andy McNally was strong and independent but when she found out she had in fact lost the baby, she felt broken; truly broken. Sam never knew about the pregnancy because she wanted to tell him when she was 100% sure she was actually pregnant, and then when she lost the baby she felt even worse for not telling him. She was only a few weeks into it, when she lost the baby.

She didn't know the sex, as it was too early to tell. But she had this gut feeling it was a girl; with Sam's dimpling and her Bambi eyes. She would grow up to be something amazing, Sam would be the typical overprotective father, and she'd be the voice of reason parent. A girl who would grow up to be beautiful, intelligent and have the world at her fingertips. At least she would of.

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He had never seen her like this, so defeated. He didn't know what to do, "Why didn't you tell me? I could of helped you through this, we could of gone through this together" he let his hand wrap around the back of his neck. "And how was I suppose to do that Sam, I had just lost **our** baby, a baby I hadn't told you about, I lost it, it's my fault." She wasn't mad at Sam for telling her what she already knew, he would of helped her through every high, and every low as she recovered from what she had lost. They would of tried again when she was ready, and this time he would be there every step of the way.

In a way she decided, not letting Sam helping her was her punishment, she lost the baby, so she would have to suffer alone, "Sam, I just need you to know that I'm sorry for losing our baby," she placed her hands over her stomach.

"Andy it wasn't your fault, maybe it just wasn't the right time for us to have a baby.." He stood up and reached for her hands, pulling her out of the chair she had been sitting in, he wrapped his arms around her waist, hers around his neck.

He didn't realize how much he wanted to have a baby with her until now.

She closed her eyes, as she left herself, let go. She cried into his neck, she cried for losing the baby, for leaving with Sam.

He stood their and inhaled all of her, _I can't let her go again, _he thought.

"I'm sorry for leaving," she whispered in his ear, as he grabbed the back of her head, running his fingers through her hair.

"Come on, let me take you home," he said pulling away from her.

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He let her sleep in their old bed, she fell asleep almost instantly, she looked so peaceful and at ease. Kissing her forehead as her placed a blanket over her still body.

He made his way out of their bedroom, and sat himself down on the couch. He was happy she was back, but he still felt uneasy, like she would leave again at the drop of a hat. He wanted to know why she came back, he knew now why she left but why did she come back? Better yet where had she been?

Sam knew he loved her with everything he had in him, but the man she left all those months ago, wasn't the one she came back to. She broke his heart when she left, and he didn't know if he was ready to let her in again.

When she woke up he knew they needed to have _another_ talk, and he prayed to god it didn't lead to one of them leaving.

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Sorry for taking so long to updated I just wanted this to be perfect, I'm not 100% happy with it but I knew I needed update for you guys!

HAPPY EASTER!:)

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	5. Pardon Me

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue

AN: Sorry for the slow updates, life is kind of busy right now with Prom, and everything!

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She woke up feeling better than she had in a really long time, looking around the room for the first time in a long time she felt like she was home. Sitting up she wonder where Sam was, how he was feeling; and well you know adjusting to her being _back_.

Stepping out of their old bed, she made her way to the closet, opening the door she noticed that all her clothes were gone. She spun around, her eyes racing around the room, he had take down everything that was hers; the painting of the beach where he proposed, their wedding photos that were neatly places on their dresser, the photo he kept by his bedside table of her, and her jewelry box that she kept on the her side of the dresser. All _gone_.

It hurt; seeing how easily he could get rid of all that stuff. Except it was just stuff; it was pieces of their history, and in a way pieces of her. She felt tears fall from her eyes as she made her way to the living room, wiping them away quickly as she saw Sam sitting on the couch watching the highlights of hockey game from the night before.

"Hey, how'd you sleep?" He said looking up at her, noticing instantly she had been crying.

She looked at him, he spoke to her as if she never left. He was wearing a pair of black track pants and a grey hoodie, feet resting on the coffee table that was parallel to the couch. "Fine, how long did it take you to get rid of all my stuff I left behind?" She was being blunt that's for sure, she was hurt, maybe things were really over between them.

"Well, uhh I wasn't going to keep it here, laying around, because every time I saw one of our wedding photo it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, or whenever I walked past our closet I smelt your perfume, and it felt like you never left but then I was thrown right back into reality and remembered you left, you were gone and I had no idea when or if you were ever coming back. So I'm sorry Andy I didn't keep all your stuff here, but my god my heart could handle seeing it everyday." Standing up after he finished, he was hurt by what she had done and it showed.

"I told you I had to leave, I did it for us." She told him, getting angry at herself because it could really be over between them.

"Andy, stop lying to me and more importantly yourself, you left for **you**, _you_ couldn't handle what happened, and you weren't willing to let me in, so what do you do you ran just like you always do." As soon as those words left his lips he knew this conversation wasn't going to end well.

"So this is all my fault.." Her bambi eyes glued to the floor.

He cut her off, "I told you how I felt the day you left, I told you that you were it for me, I opened myself up to you and you left me, so where does that leave me? You told me in my office that this may be over, and uhh I think I need some time.." He trailed off, heading for the door.

"So that's it Sam you're done, throwing in the towel, you didn't fight for me the night I left, and you're not fighting for me now, big surprise." Moving her hands around in the air, as she attempted to keep him from leaving. She realized he may be serious, they were done; it was _over_.

"Don't ever say I didn't fight for you, I told you how I felt, what else was I suppose to do Andy?! Track you down? Drag you home? All for what you would of just left; again."

She knew he was right, she probably would of done something stupid like, filing for divorce or something else equally as stupid.

"And you know what, Andy, if anyone didn't fight for this it was you," it broke his heart to her but she needed to know.

"You left; me again. I don't know if I can do this... anymore. I don't think there's anything left to fight for." He looked at her, her eyes pooled with tears.

"And do you what kills me the most about this whole thing, you still haven't told me why you came back? You freaked out at me for packing your stuff up without giving me an explanation of what you're doing back here..." He was in defense mood, trying to protect himself.

She knew she would have to tell him why she came back, and she knew he wasn't going to be happy when she told him.

"Sam, uhh if there's nothing left to fight for then my purpose from coming back; coming home, really don't matter do they?" she was questioning him, thinking if he fought to know why then she still had a fighting chance to fix them. But if he accepted her response it really was **over**.

Their eyes locked, Andy waiting to hear his response. Sam wondering to fight for a real answer.

Moments passed that felt like hours to the both of them.

"Damn it Andy! Tell me why you came back?" Sam yelled, he was frustrated. All he wanted was answers, closure on this whole nightmare.

"Did you come home to divorce me? So you could run off with your new guy, you met at some bar far away from here? What Andy, tell me why you came back; please." Sam Swarek was never on to beg but all he wanted was answers. He needed them.

She mumbled her reason, Sam's heart was beating too quickly for him to hear her answer.

"Pardon me?" he said, nervously awaiting her to repeat herself.

"I said, I'm pregnant Sam."

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20 Days for us Canadians!:)


	6. Second Chances

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue

AN: Longer chapter for you guys!:)

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She had left 3 weeks ago today, and she felt sick.

Being in a new environment, away from Sam, she felt sick all the time. Sitting up from night #21 of the world's crappiest sleeps, she rubbed her eyes and looked around her motel room. The terrible painting of some nature seen to the left of her bed made her think of the painting Sam had gotten her for their 4th wedding anniversary, the painting was of the beach where he proposed.

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_**FLASHBACK**_

_It was a rare occasion when Sam Swarek offered to go to the beach, but it was the Labour Day long weekend and a nice walk along the beach seemed like the perfect way to end the day._

_As she got out of the truck, she walked around and met him by his door. Hands intertwined they set off on their romantic walk down the beach, "So Traci and Steven are going to have a baby." Andy said as she stepped away from Sam, freeing her feet of her flip flops._

_"Yeah, Nash and Peck are having a baby, it still feels weird though." Sam following her lead taking off his shoes._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Well, I always pictured Nash with Jerry, you know marriage, kids, house with the white picket fence..." He trailed off, he never really talked about how Jerry's death effected him. He spoke about Jerry and their memories but the emotional stuff, he never really opened up about it. Andy knew when he was ready they would talk about it._

_"I know you miss him Sam, and it's okay too." She stopped their walking pace and put her hands on his shoulders._

_Leaning in he places a soft kiss on her lips, she pulled away, turning herself around, placing Sam's hand across her stomach. "I love you, you know that right?_  
_She asked, half turning her head toward him. Minutes passed as they watched the sunset, in it's orange and pink glory. _

_"Actually, McNally there was something I needed to ask you," he said breaking the peaceful silence between them, turning her back around to face him._

_"And what might that be exactly Sam, because if it's sex on the beach, this is a public place and..." As she babbled on about how it would be public nudity and they were police officers and all, Sam dropped down to one knee and pulled out the box her had been hiding in his leather jacket pocket._

_"Andy McNally, I love you, and I kind of like waking up to your beautiful face every morning, what do you say will you marry me?" He opens the box , and to her amazement a ring that he clearly had spent an arm and leg for._

_"Oh my god Sam! Of course I'll marry you, because let's face it those dimples are too sexy to say no to." Stepping back onto two feet, he placed the ring on her finger, and he pulled her into another kiss. But this time it was long, drawn out, perfect. Andy McNally had just agreed to be his wife. _

_**END OF FLASHBACK**_

* * *

Deciding she probably should form some sort of routine, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed she ran her fingers through her hair as she rested her head in her palms.

She needed to find a grocery store, a laundry mat or something to clean her clothes, a path safe enough to go for her morning jog. As she got dressed ready for a run, in a new town, she felt her stomach completely flip, rushing to the bathroom she threw up in the toilet.

After what felt like hours to vomiting her brains out she grabbed her phone, looking st the calender she realized she was 18 days late; like period late.

_'God damn it,'_ she thought, '_I just left Sam because I lost our baby, and now I'm pregnant again; damn his incredible body and sperm.'_

It may have been months since she miscarried but she still felt like she wasn't worthy of having a baby, she wasn't able to protect her first, how would she protect this one? Her mind was racing in a million directions, snapping back into reality her phone rang, looking down at it Tracy's picture popped up. Her eyes filled with tears, she knew that if she answered she would be packed and driving back home in a matter of minutes but she needed this time away to focus on Andy, and being okay again.

Standing up she decided to give herself a Tracy-like talk, knowing that if Tracy was here she'd tell her to go get a pregnancy test to confirm if she really was pregnant.

* * *

"I said, I'm pregnant Sam." His mouth opened, then he really looked at her. She was wearing a baggy cardigan, and it buttoned loosely around her stomach.

"But.. uh I thought you lost the baby, and that's why you left." Was she really pregnant again, would he finally have a chance to be there for her unlike last time. He felt a smile creep up on the corner of his mouth.

"And we spent the night together before I left, and well you know who this stuff happens..." Trailing off, she unbuttons her cardigan letting her tiny baby bump show through her fitted tank top.

'_She's pregnant, my wife is pregnant' _Sam's mind was bouncing off the walls, he never really wanted to have kids but after they got married he kind of liked the idea of having a daughter with Andy's Bambi eyes running around the house with her older brother who had Sam's signature Swarek dimples. His thoughts of children-bliss were brought to a halt when he realized that he and Andy weren't together.

"So that's why you came back then? Because you're pregnant?" He decided he needed to be guarded to protect himself from another disaster.

"Yes, Sam I came back because of this baby, but I also came back because I love you, more then anything in this world. Being away from you was the worst time of my life. I realized that a piece of me was missing while I was away from you. Samuel Swarek I am beyond in-love with you and this baby is a product of our love," she stepped closer toward him, placing a hand on his shoulder and another on her stomach.

Sam was still unsure, yes he knew Andy loved him, and she wanted him to be there for her during her pregnancy. But, was she back because she loved him and was truly miserable without him, or simply was the pregnancy the push she needed to come home.

"Andy... I... uhh... I need some time to thing and process everything." He couldn't open himself up to getting hurt again.

"Sam, I'm pregnant what more time do you need?"

"The time where I figure out if I'm ready for this; for us again." He walked over to the door, throwing his jacket and shoes on, he grabbed his keys, and opened the door. "You stay here, if I need to I'll crash at Ollie's, Andy I'm glad you're home, and trust me I'm crazy excited that you're pregnant but I need some time."

And just like that he was gone.

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Loving all the positive vibes:)


	7. A Best Friend

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue

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"Sam, I'm pregnant what more time do you need?"

"The time where I figure out if I'm ready for this; for us again." He walked over to the door, throwing his jacket and shoes on, he grabbed his keys, and opened the door. "You stay here, if I need to I'll crash at Ollie's, Andy I'm glad you're home, and trust me I'm crazy excited that you're pregnant but I need some time."

And just like that he was gone.

_'I'm glad you're home, and trust me I'm crazy excited you're pregnant... but I need some time.' _his words echoed in her mind, she replayed his facial expression as he spoke those words_. 'But I need some time.' _She decided that giving him time was the best thing for now, she left to think, and now he was doing the same.

_'I'm glad you're home' Home? _She was home, not only with Sam but home where everyone else she loved was_. Tracy, s_he thought.

Walking over to the door that Sam had walked out of only minutes before, putting her shoes on she opened the door.

Tracy's place as only a ten minute drive, or a 20 minute walk and since Andy was car-less she opted for the walk. Thinking of how Tracy was going to react to her being home, she hoped she'd embrace her with open arms but a tiny piece of her was worried. She had ignored all Tracy's calls and messages while she was gone.

* * *

_FLASHBACK_

_Snapping back into reality her phone rang, looking down at it Tracy's picture popped up. Her eyes filled with tears, she knew that if she answered she would be packed and driving back home in a matter of minutes but she needed this time away to focus on Andy, and being okay again._

_Standing up she decided to give herself a Tracy-like talk, knowing that if Tracy was here she'd tell her to go get a pregnancy test to confirm if she really was pregnant._

_She made two decisions in that moment; give him some time to process everything, and the second was to call Tracy. This was a phone call that was long over due._

_After she returned back to her room from the drug store down the road, she noticed Tracy had left a message. _

_'Heey Andy it's me.. Listen I don't know what happened between you and Sam but whatever it is or was, you need to be home to work through it. Don't... Don't throw this all away Andy..." Andy could hear the pain in her voice, she knew Tracy would do anything to have Jerry back in her life, and the fact that Andy wasn't with Sam was a waste of the precious time they had together. 'Andy, I love you, you're my best friend, I'm here for you, and I'll be waiting for you to come home.' Andy's eyes filled with tears as she listen to her best friend plea for her to come home. "Sam's a mess, he needs you, I need you. You're our Andy McNally, we can't do this without you..." Silence took over the voicemail, and Andy heard a light sob, "Andy, please come home.."_

_END OF FLASHBACK_

* * *

As she walked she recalled that day, it was a difficult one, after she heard Tracy's message she took the pregnancy test.  
After the allotted time had passed she flipped the stick over and saw the positive sign, and all she wanted to do was go home; tell Sam he was going to be a dad, and give Tracy a hug, and just be happy. But she had already left, and there was no going back._  
_

Turning the corner she saw Tracy's house, a part of her was nervous, she had left her best friend for 3 months without so much as a phone call.

Walking up the steps her heart was racing, '_what if she slams the door in my face?'_ she thought.

Placing her index finger over the doorbell, she waited for someone to answer. Stepping back from the door, Tracy opened it.

"Hi, I'm home." she said, and waited for Tracy to react, was she going to yell at her or simply close the door and go back inside.

Tracy's eyes filled with tears, she stepped out on the porch facing her best friend, and pulled her into one of the strongest hugs. "I've really missed you," Tracy whispered as she pulled away from Andy. "I've missed you too, Trac more than you know. And I know I don't deserve it but right now I really need my best friend."

The two walked inside, and headed to the living room, sitting down on the couch, Andy broke the silence. "So, I'm back..." she trailed off. "Yes, you are. And I have a million questions starting with why the hell did you leave like that? Two have you seen Sam? And what brought you back."

"I left because I lost the baby..." Andy's eyes fell to the floor, fiddling with her wedding ring. "You were pregnant." Tracy said softly moving closer to her best friend, "Ya, I was and I lost it, before I could tell anyone I had lost the one thing I never knew I wanted until I lost it." Her eyes began to fill with tears again. "Wait, Sam didn't know?" Tracy was feeling overall shock at this point, "I was going to tell him, but then I lost it and I felt I don't know, not worthy of his love because I lost him child; me. It was all my fault. I felt a pit of guilt in my stomach everyday because I never told him. And Trac, it became too much, so I left."

"Andy.. I'm so sorry," Tracy placed her arm around her best friends shoulders bringing her into a side hug. "Have you seen Sam?" She asked softly.

"Well I uhh I went to his office this morning, and he was hurt. I really broke his heart this time Trac. I wrecked him, and I don't know if he could ever forgive me..." More tears falling from her eyes, "but I need him to forgive me, because I can't do this alone."

"Can't do what alone..." Trailing off

"I can't raise this baby alone," she broke down, full tears filled with fear and regret. "You're pregnant?!" Tracy blurted out, "How?"

"Well the night... before I left.. Sam and I kind of had sex... and while I was away I found out I was pregnant. I though about staying away, but I realized that this was Sam's baby too and keeping them apart was not fair to either of them. I told him everything and he left, said he needed space. I can't do this without him Trac, I just can't." Tracy tried to collect her thoughts, as she opened her mouth there was knock at the door.

"Let me just get that and then we can continue this talk. Okay?" Andy nodded and Tracy headed for the door, opening it, she was blown away to see Sam Swarek on her front porch. "What are you doing here Sam?" She said quietly, hoping Andy didn't hear. "I'm hear to see my wife I know she's here."

Andy heard his voice and immediately knew it was him, standing up she walked over to the door.

"Andy, we need to talk." He said when he saw he walk up behind Tracy,

"You gonna walkout again?" She asked, armed crossed.

"I won't walkout if you promise not to run."

"Alright then I guess we need to have a talk then." She uncrossed her arms and gave Tracy a hug goodbye, "I'll call you later," she whispered in her ear as she walked out of the door and headed toward the passenger side of his truck.

"Hey, you guys are meant to be, don't be too much of a prideful jackass to screw this up k Swarek?" Tracy told him, as he watched Andy get in the truck.

"Nash, I love that women, I don't know if I trust her but I know I can't lose her again." He said walking over to his truck.

Now all they had to do was sit down and have a serious talk, no running no walking out. But faith had a different plan.

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Reviews? Comments? Suggestions?

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE FEEDBACK! It's much appreciated and needed!


	8. Those 3 Words

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue

* * *

"Hey, you guys are meant to be, don't be too much of a prideful jackass to screw this up k Swarek?" Tracy told him, as he watched Andy get in the truck.

"Nash, I love that women, I don't know if I trust her but I know I can't lose her again." He said walking over to his truck.

Now all they had to do was sit down and have a serious talk, no running no walking out. But faith had a different plan.

* * *

"Detective Nash," Tracy answered to her ringing phone, "Yes, is this Tracy Nash?" the voice on the other line asked.

"Yes, this is she." Heart pounding.

"I'm calling, as you are an emergency medical contact for one Andrea McNally-Swarek. And I was unable to reach her father Thomas McNally, ans Sam Swarek was in the accident as well. "

Tracy felt her knees turn into jelly, "Ms. Nash are you still there?" Her tongue felt like sandpaper unable to respond.

"Ya, sorry is she going to be okay?" The silence felt like hours to Tracy, as she began to get ready to go to the hospital, still on the phone.

"Ms. McNally- Swarek and one other person in the vehicle were t-boned by a drunk driver. EMS responded both of them are currently being looked at by our doctors, who are looking at the next step for them is, are you able to come down to the hospital?" Shoes on, keys in hand, Tracy was already on route to the hospital, "Yes, I'm on my way."

Tracy raced to the hospital, she was terrified she had just gotten her best friend back and she could lose her;** again.** But this time for good. They still had so much to talk about as best friends, like when Steven is driving her crazy with his cocky 'Mr. Awesome' attitude, or when was insists on cooking and never letting Andy try because of that one little fire that started when they were making food for her housewarming party. Their kids had to have play dates, and when Andy finally had one their kids were going to get married. Tracy mind was being flooded with old memories and the potential new ones when she thought; _what happened to Sam?_ He had been a rock for her even since Jerry died, and losing him would be like losing a brother. He was there when Andy let for the secret undercover assignment, they had this unspoken bond where no matter what happened they would always be there for one another, willing to listen or just be a shoulder to lean on when things got tough.

Stopping at the last red light before the hospital entrance, she remembered; Andy was pregnant. '_Oh my god, the baby.' If she loses it, she'll be a wreck, they might not making through another miscarriage.' _Just after the brief talk Tracy and Andy had about her losing her baby she saw how much pain she had gone through, the emotions; it killed Tracy to even thing about it.

As she parked in the parking lot, she raced inside to the front desk, "Hi, I'm Tracy Nash, I'm an emergency contact for Andy McNally-Swarek."

The nurses eyes filled with sadness, "I'm so sorry." she said.

* * *

Don't hate me!

I just wanted to give you guys an update before I leave for the weekend! But I'll be back and writing on Monday.!

Reviews? Comments? Suggestions


	9. In the Clouds

Disclaimer: I do not own Rookie Blue

Side Note: IT'S MAY 19TH! Finally this has been a long time coming. I'm beyond excited that it's back you guys have no idea.!

So I thought I should update as a celebration of sorts, I don't know where I want to go with this story, I'm trying to figure it out as we go.

Still pretty iffy on this chapter but what the hell3

* * *

Andy thought it was some sort of dream, the past few months like she had fallen asleep and had the worst dream of her life; she lost the baby, she left Sam and came back to a broken man. A dream that she couldn't wait to wake up from.

Her mind was wondering through the good times before she lost everything.

* * *

FLASHBACK  
_"So? How does it feel?" He asked her, as her head laid on his chest listening to the rhythm of his heartbeat._

_"I feel like I've waited my entire life for this day..." He runs his fingers through her semi-straightened brunette locks._

_"Well, I've been waiting for this day since you tackle me to the ground and tried to kiss me.." Trailing off as he thought of the day they first met._

_"You thought about this that day?!" She was kind of shocked and at the same time she melted to know he had wanted this for that long. She propped herself up so she could look into his eyes._

_"What can I say? Any woman who can take down me must be pretty special.. Because I'm awesome." A cocky grin formed on his lips._

_"Well, you are kind of awesome." She told him, as she captured his lips again. _

END OF FLASHBACK

* * *

Andy continued to walk through what felt like dreamland, all her memories at her fingertips it was like going through a box of old photos. She thought of their wedding day, and night; _god that was one hell of a night. _Thinking of nights, days, talks with Sam; she thought of her talk with Sam in the truck before everything went black.

"Andy, we need to talk."

"You gonna walkout again?" She asked, armed crossed.

"I won't walkout if you promise not to run."

"Alright then I guess we need to have a talk then." She walked out to the truck and climbed into the passenger side, she waited as Sam and Tracy talked for a brief moment, she watched him walk to the truck and get in.

Her heart started to race for all the right reasons, Sam made her heart race, he made her get butterflies in her stomach whenever he looked at her. Putting the keys in the ignition, and started the truck. "I'm sorry I walked out." He said breaking the silence,

"And I'm sorry for running, Sam you need to know something," she started as he pulled out of the driveway, his eyes on the road, stopping at a red light he looks at her, " I thought about you everyday, I- I- missed you everyday." Locking eyes with him as she spoke.

"Andy, I love you... I never stopped," he paused as the light turned green, slightly pressing on the gas metal, "But we can't keep doing this to each other."

And then everything goes dark, black. The conversation cut short.

She realized after reliving that last conversation that she had been in an accident, so had Sam and their baby. She began to panic, fighting to wake up to see Sam, and make sure their baby was okay. Even with all the fight he had in her, she was weak and gave into the darkness, going back to a dreamless slumber.

* * *

"But we can't keep doing this to each other," Sam had so much more to say after that. He wanted to tell her that they can't keep hurting each other, running when things get tough, they both need to grow up so their marriage would have a fighting chance.

Unlike Andy, Sam knew what had happened he knew they had been in an accident and there was a chance none of them would make it.

He could hear voices around him, someone was talking he didn't recognize the voice, and then it hit him, that scent, it was Andy he was 1000% sure. A sense of relief washed over him knowing she was okay enough to be by his side.

With all the fight he had in him, he forced his eyes open.

* * *

Sorry for the lack of update!

Should be writing tonight after the premiere:)

MAY 19TH BABBBBYYYY!


	10. I Just Can't

So sorry for the lack of updates, but on the bright side I'm finally done school! And summer is here! wehoooo and the American's finally got to see the premiere!

* * *

_"But we can't keep doing this to each other," Sam had so much more to say after that. He wanted to tell her that they can't keep hurting each other, running when things get tough, they both need to grow up so their marriage would have a fighting chance._

_Unlike Andy, Sam knew what had happened he knew they had been in an accident and there was a chance none of them would make it._

_He could hear voices around him, someone was talking he didn't recognize the voice, and then it hit him, that scent, it was Andy he was 1000% sure. A sense of relief washed over him knowing she was okay enough to be by his side._

_With all the fight he had in him, he forced his eyes open._

He half expected to open his eyes and see an empty room, you know just the typical hospital stuff; dresser, crappy lights, itchy sheets. The other half of him hoped to see _her_ there, okay, holding his hand patiently waiting for him to wake up, with her hand resting on her arms sleeping soundly.

He didn't know if she was actually there or if his mind was trying to get him to wake up.

But when he opened his eyes, he looked around, seeing Ollie sitting at his bedside looking through the paper. _"Well, look who's awake, Sammy brother you sure know how to give all of us a scare._" Placing the paper down, he nudged his chair closer. "_Where is she?_" He asked in a low raspy voice.

Oliver could tell he was trying to get up, but bruised ribs, and a cute little laceration to his abdomen posed difficulty. _"Sammy, I need you to stay lying back, okay? You have some serious stitches on your stomach, and moving around could cause them to ripe open, and I need you to stick around."_ He placed a hand on his friend shoulder, applying force so he'd lie back down. _"Ollie, how is she?" _He tried to put up a fight, but Oliver was stronger than he remembered.

His mind started to race, and he became worried why wouldn't Ollie tell him where she was, or how she was. Fear washed over him what if something **had** happened? It would be all his fault, he was the one that had to go over to Tracy's, and insisted that they drive back to their place and talk. Why didn't they just talk at Tracy's on her porch or footsteps, anywhere where really, where there wasn't any ignorant drivers running red lights.

What if something had happened to her, he could imagine his life without her; again. He just got her back, even though they weren't officially back together it was nice knowing where she was, and that she was safe All he want to do was protect her from all of it the pain of losing their baby, the fact her mom left and at some point he left her too.

_"Ollie, please, where is she?"_

_"She's a fighter Sammy, and she's going to wake up her body just needs time. It's been through a lot."_

_"She's pregnant."_ He whispered in a low voice, Oliver almost didn't hear it.

_"Wait...McNally's pregnant?!_" His eyes lite up, Sam would finally get the family he deserved and always secretly wanted, but then he quickly remember what had happened. "Brother, she's a fighter and you can bet that baby is a fighter as well, but you need to get better so you can be there for them."

_"I just, I can't lose her again man, I just can't, her or the baby. I need them both, I never knew how much I needed them until there was a chance I could lose them."_ His eyes became glossy, heart racing, hands clammy.

_"I know Sammy, I know."_

* * *

I don't know where to go from here, so I need you help pleaseeee! Suggestions are very much needed at this point and appreciated!


	11. She Has To

_"I just, I can't lose her again man, I just can't, her or the baby. I need them both, I never knew how much I needed them until there was a chance I could lose them."_

_"I know Sammy, I know."_

* * *

It had been two weeks, and Sam was getting better, he could sit up with only a minor amount of pain, and his laceration had gone from gross, to a nasty looking to now a forever scare. Andy on the other hand, there was no change, she wasn't officially in a coma but she also wasn't okay either.

Everyday he would sit by her bedside, and he'd just talk, for the first time in their relationship he was the one doing all the talking. _"So, I was thinking, you know how you were secretly good at poker, and the rest of us only found out that night the division was under quarantine? And how you are so competitve it drives people crazy? Well let's make a bet okay? You move one of those gorgeous fingers to let me know you're still in there, let me know that you're fighting to come back to me and I'll uhh well you wake up and I'll let you decide."_ His eyes become glossy, and he held her hand and up to his face and kissed it gently.

He didn't know what had been worse, her leaving, and being gone for months, and all he could do was hope she was okay and safe. Or her being right here but not responding to anything, not being okay. Either way he wasn't able to see her, sure he could see her physically but he couldn't see her eyes light up when she smiled. He just needed her to wake up, for her to make that awkward face when she's trying to say something but she doesn't know how to say it. He needs her allergy to silence, her habit of talking about everything all at once when things are uncomfortable because he wasn't doing a very good job right now.

And then there was the baby, he didn't really know how to feel about, actually that's a lie he did know how to feel about it. He couldn't of been happier to know she was pregnant with a baby; their baby. A little girl with her eyes and his dimples, or a boy with her lion heart, and his sarcasm. In that moment he couldn't remember a single reason why they didn't have kids together already, and if she didn't make it then they may never have the chance to.

He just looked at her, her face seemed quaint, at peace almost, he wondered what was going through her mind.

What was she thinking about, could she hear him, feel his hands around hers?

_"McNally, please, I need you to wake up, we need you to wake up.. Because you're it, you're all I need, I need you to wake up and just smile at me. Show me that smile that can light up a whole room... I uhh, I can't live in a world where I don't get to see that, I can't. I just can't. I'm not ready for that to happen, I don't think I'll ever be ready for it. I am not ready, or willing to see my life without you;** again. **I did it for a while there and honestly I was just uh, going through the motions, just getting up, going to work, feeling this pit in my stomach because I knew when I walked through the front door you won't be there, or be walking through that door with me. I don't know how I did it for so long, after seeing you and just knowing you were there again I know I can't and won't don't ever again. Please, just wake up." _

He hoped she could hear him, hoping that hearing his voice made her fight to get back to him. As he spoke, Oliver split into the room and placed a reassuring hand on his brother's shoulder. _"Sammy, brother why don't you go home, have a shower, maybe sleep a bit and then come back?"_ He looked at his friend, he was tired, and broken. "_I'm not leaving her," _he quietly. _"Sam, when she wakes up she going to need you to be healthy, and you're not going to be if you don't get your ass out of that chair, bathe, eat and sleep."_ Oliver understood that Sam wanted to be there for her, but he wouldn't be able to if he didn't take care of himself.

Sam knew he was right, "_call me the second anything changes Ollie."_ He nodded, and watched his best friend exit the room. He waited for a while, he didn't really know what to say, so he just stood there. After a bit he realized just standing there staring at McNally's motionless body seemed a tick creepy so he planted his butt in Sam's chair.

_"Heey McNally, it's me Oliver, look I uhh.. I know right now you're probably fighting like hell to wake up, but you__ uhh..__should probably know that Traci's a wreck. And you need to wake up soon because I need you to take care of Sam, because it's not like we can leave him with anyone, and besides you're really good for him. And I'm not sure he can find him way without you. Come on whatta ya say McNally? How about you wake up now, we all need you to."_

He bowed his head slightly, allowing his elbows to rest on his knees, head in hands. He didn't notice it at first, her eyes flutter.

* * *

Sam drove home, barely able to keep his eyes open. Dragging his feet up the steps of his porch, he opened the front door and headed straight for the shower. Ollie was right he really did need to bathe, he let the warm spray hit his body, as his mind slowly wondered. _She's going to wake up , she has to. _He thought as he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. Stepping out of the shower, he quickly dried off and threw on some clean boxers. Hanging the towel on the door as he made his way to his bed, his head hit the pillow and he quickly fell asleep.

* * *

She took a large breath, he slowly looked at her, "_McNally?_"

Her eyes fluttered again, this time they slowing opened. "_Heey there rookie._" Smiling as he said it. "_There's a tall dark and handsome detective that is going to be very happy you're wake." _She smiled at him, her hands traveling down to her stomach, "_Andy, don't worry the baby is fine. Sammy's fine and you're going to be okay." _He saw the fear in her eyes. "_You stay right there okay?_" He slowly stood up, "_I'm going to call Sammy and let him know you're awake, and in the mean time don't do anything." _She nodded at him.

* * *

Sam felt like he had been sleeping for 30 seconds when his phone rang, instantly he jumped and his mind went to worse case scenario, something had happened to her and she was gone, and he wasn't there to say good-bye.

_"Hello?"_

_"Sammy, it's me, listen she's awake, you probably should get over here."_

* * *

side note: the talk that Oliver had with Andy was heavily based on the talk Brook/ Peyton had with Lucas/ Haley in One Tree Hill on 4x10.


	12. Hearing How Much You Love Me

Sorry for the lack of updates, I'm already writing the next chapter!

* * *

He met Oliver outside of her room, _"bet you're pretty glad I made you go home and have a shower eh brother?"_ He smiled at his friend. "I_ just need to see her", _he drove all the way to the hospital thinking about what it was going to be like when they first saw each other, he didn't know what he was going to do, smile, maybe shed a few manly tears because she was awake, and back here; with him. Oliver stepped aside allowing his friend to pass, he grabbed the door handle and slowly opened the door.

Their eyes instantly met, _"Hey,"_ he said quietly.

_"Hi,"_ she paused as her eyes filled with tears, "_It's really good to see you."_

_"You too,"_ he said as he sat down beside her.

He just looked at her, watching her blink.

It was like he could breath again, knowing that she was here and was going to be okay. Like while she was in a coma he was on pause, waiting for her to wake up so he could resume his life; their life, together.

He didn't really do much, nothing that would have an impact on his life he just ate the terrible hospital food, with the meal from friends stopping by to visit and check up on her, sleep; beside her when he did management to fall asleep it would be with his head laying on his arms which resided on her bed, and lastly he'd talk to her about well everything. Whether she could hear him or not it felt good for him to just let out all his emotions. He had never really been much for talking, you know but he woke up one morning, after she left and realized that no one _truly_ knew him.

So he thought this was good practice for opening up if she couldn't hear him, but if she could; she was finally getting to know him.

_"Sam... I uhh"_ she started, but he slowly moved towards her, leaning down he kissed her ever so slightly. "_You really scared me there, I thought I had lost you.. **both**" _Reaching for her hand as he spoke.

"_Sam, I'm so sorry_" she whispered, as tears began to fall from her eyes. She was scared, for a while she thought was never going to see Sam or their baby again. Then when she did wake up she realized that she could of lost their baby; again.

It broke her heart, that she had lost the one thing that she and Sam both could love more than each other. Their baby would be a product of how much they loved each other, and the thought of that being lost **again**, would be earth shattering.

_"Andy, it's okay, there's nothing you have to apologize for,_" He was confused about what she was apologizing for but he had an idea it was about the baby. "_If anything I should be thanking you for coming back to me.._."

"_Did I... lose it?_" Tears continued to fall from her eyes. She knew what Oliver had told her when she first woke up but he could have been trying to keep her calm.

_"Sweetheart, the doctor still has to do an ultrasound to see if it's okay but either way, I'm not going anywhere okay?" _He meant what he said, he wasn't going anywhere, so matter how hard she may try this time, she wasn't going anywhere without him.

* * *

The time between him walking through her hospital room door, and the doctor preforming the ultrasound was spent just being; there with each other. _"Sam?"_ she said as he drew circles on her arm with his fingertips, "_uhhh ya_?" He furrowed his brow, _"I just wanted you to know that, there is no other place I would rather be than here, okay maybe not in a hospital bed, with weird attached to me, but being anywhere with you is where I want to be._" He smiled, "_I love you McNally._" He said placing a kiss on her forehead, "_And I love you Sam Swarek,"_ she whispered into his neck.

Time passed slowly, but they didn't mind, just being with each other; happily was all they could ask for at this point in time. Sam debated awhile internally to break the peaceful silence of the room, "_Hey, I-uh I need to ask you something._" He said, continuing to gently tap her arm, "_Ok_," she said meekly, hoping it was nothing that would ruin this moment they were in.

_"Could you, uh, hear me while you were asleep there, me talking to you, holding your hand._." He trailed off, remembering all the things he said to her, how emotional he was, the pain of that time slowly crept up on to him. "_Do you remember any of that?_"

Andy didn't know what to say, she vaguely remembers feeling someone holding her hand, and she picked up the last bit of Oliver's conversation with her right before she woke up, "_Sam.._." she began, "I_'m sorry, I wish I did, I wish I had heard even word, but I uhh I don't remember anything except feeling a warm, strong set of hands holding mine_."

In a way he was kind of sad she didn't hear him, he hoped in a way that his words would be the guiding light to bring her back to him, "_Hey, how about this?_" She said bring him back to reality, "_You can tell me all the things you said to me while I was gone, you know except I'm right here, and I'm going to hold on to you and I'm never going to let you go._" She finished with a smile, leaning up she kissed him lightly on the cheek.

_"Okay, well normally, I would sit right there_," he said point to the chair that he occupied many days and nights by her side, "A_nd I uhh- I would ask you to wake up because you're it, you're all I need, I needed you to wake up and just smile at me. You know see that amazing smile that lights up all of 15 Division.__ I also said I uhh, I can't live in a world where I don't get to see that, amazing smile of yours. I wasn't ready for that to happen, see a world without you in it, see my life without you in it. __I did it for a while there and honestly I was just uh, going through the motions, just getting up, going to work, feeling this pit in my stomach because I knew when I walked through the front door you won't be there, or be walking through that door with me. I don't know how I did it for so long, after seeing you and just knowing you were there again I know I can't and won't don't ever again." _He paused, letting his lovely words fill the room again, but this time he looked down into her eyes, and she was crying.

_"Sam, I'm so sorry for leaving you, I just really need you to understand that, when I was asleep, all I did was think of you and our baby, this baby," _She said putting her hands over her stomach,_ "And I might not have been able to hear you or feel you, but you were the reason I fought like hell to get back to you."_

_"Sweetheart, I don't want to upset you or anything let's just relax for a bit and wait for the doctor." He said placing a kiss on her forehead, "Sam, I could never get upset hearing how much you love me."_

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Reviews? Comments? Suggestions?

Thanks for all the support!


	13. Bliss

_**This is the final chapter, I hope I tied up all lose ends! **_  
_**Thank you for all your reviews and support!**_

* * *

He looked at her, and she had this stupidly adorable look on her face, "_What_?" He asked queitly, as he cracked a side grin, and went back to putting his clean, folded clothes away in the dresser.

She smiled at him so more, "_Did you ever think we'd get here?_" She asked.

He stopped, turned and looked at her, "_What do you mean?_" He asked, making his way over to the unmade bed.

Smiling, she asked again, "_Did you get think we'd get here?_" Biting her bottom lip after she said it the second time.

_Here_, he thought, here in this moment, being happy again, feeling whole and complete. It had been along time coming, they both had been through so much, together and apart.

She left, and took her heart with him when she did. He never thought in his wildest dreams that they could get back to such an amazing place with stable ground.

He was in such a dark place after she left, it felt like someone had ripped his heart out, without so much as a word. He managed to get up off of the couch and function but it wasn't the same, home wasn't the same without her, because she was his home, his safe place, his light at the end of a tunnel that was one of his worst days.

And she was back, back here with him, and their house felt like his home again.

She left because it hurt too much, it hurt too much to face him after what she had lost, losing their baby, she didn't know what was worse, losing a baby or losing Sam's baby. She felt like she wasn't worthy of the love he gave her, because she wasn't able to keep his child safe.

So she left, she left selfishly so she wouldn't have to face him everyday knowing what she had done. Every time he smiled at her, she pictured their child.

She thought that she didn't deserve his love, and leaving meant she was not allowing herself to feel that love, to feel safe and secure in his arms late at night, to feel like breathing on the back of her neck when he grabs her from behind and pulls her into his embrace.

If she didn't allow herself to feel loved, she was getting an accurate punishment for not allowing Sam to feel the love of his child.

He looked at her, clearly she was still waiting for an answer, "_Did I think that we'd get back what we had?_" She nodded, "_I knew that I loved you enough to let you go, and I knew that you loved me, and you would come back,_" Her eyes lite up as he spoke, she felt reassured that no matter what they go through that they'd end up together, somehow, someway.

The time she spent in the hospital was a wake up call to the both of them, they could lose each other in a breath, one of them could be gone, their hearts torn apart.

She smiled at him, "I_ love you, you know that right?_" Moving closer to him, _"I love you for being there for me in every way possible, even when you're not physically there, you're here if that makes sense. I love you for staying here, every time I run, so I have somewhere safe to run back too._" He captured her lips in a soft, innocent kiss.

"_I love you for giving me this life,_" Another kiss planted gently, "_And I love you for giving me another chance to be a mom_." She smiled at him, and he just stared.

He had never felt so complete, here he was, married to the love of his life, in-love, and a father. "_There's nothing you deserve than to be a mother to that gorgeous baby boy sleeping so soundly across the hall right now._"

Her eyes began to fill with tears, but the good kind, the kind that are caused by a heart so filled with joy and pure awe that the eyes water. "_You know that I left so I could come back a better person, for you right?_" She questioned, a single tear escaped her eye as she blinked.

"_You know, I'm going to love you no matter what happens? That you could never be a bad person in my eyes, you are the most selfless, kind, gentle soul that I have ever had the opportunity to meet, and if you ever feel broken, I'm here to help you, because I took those vows; for better or worse, I'll love you on your best day, and I'll pick you up on your worst._"

He meant every word, he could never hate her for losing his child, faith clearly had a path for them, and it lead them to this perfect moment.

_"I'm going to thank God, everyday, for the rest of my life for giving me you and Johnny,_" She said, everyday she thought, she had the two most amazing men in her life, Sam loved her with everything he had in him, he was always there even before they were together, protecting her, loving her.

And Johnny was perfection, he had these deep golden brown eyes that could light up a room, and his father's dimples. "_I don't know what I did to deserve you two..._" She trailed off slowly, "_You did everything, you are such an amazing person, you honestly amaze me everyday_." He said, smiling.

Pulling her closer to him, she placed her head on his chest, and he turned off the light. "_I love you McNally_," He whispered in her ear, as he kissed the top of her head. "_I love you Sam Swarek,"_ she said sleepily before dosing off.

_Fini_


End file.
